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A letter to 12 year old me

Dear Michael,

I know you think you’re such an adult right now, and you think that no matter what you can do no wrong. Honestly I wish I could scare the crap out of you by telling you the exact things you’re about to get into, but I can’t and that hurts thinking about you all Alone. The only comfort I can offer to you, is that years from now you will transform into something much better and you will create a person no one thought you could be, even your self.

Right now you’re in middle school and it’s the first step into something where you actually have to apply your self, it’s no longer elementary school and being a child you’re in charge of where you go next. You can either be a smart kid trying to learn or you can go with that group of kids that always has something in their pockets. Again I wish I could guide you in these moments because I know exactly what’s about to come, but maybe what’s coming is what allowed us to grow. I know you have an idea what they are doing, I just didn’t understand to what extent they were doing something.

When they ask you to hangout it’ll be so easy to yes because you’re just a lost kid looking for something to do after school, I want to scream to you right now to say no, but I can’t. Those kids will pull out a little bag of something, something they say is harmless and that most people are doing it. You know what the bags are because you’re so cool and you’ve seen all the movies. Did you pay attention to how those little baggies moved, because if you did these kids are way too connected to something that will take you to steel and thick concrete. You’re so determined though to be so cool that you’ll hop in no matter what.

You know what still bothers me the most today is that it was right away that things went so bad for us, right after school you went to go hang out with them. Right away you get in trouble. You were guilty by association and we have to deal with things legally and with the parents. Do you remember how terrified you were of mom, you want nothing to do with being cool ever again. That may be your best thing you’ll ever do. Except it didn’t last nearly as long as we would hope.

I know you want to live and I know you want to be something, but you just have to take ever moment. Although you were terrified of mom that time you got in trouble, I wish that wild of stuck in your head longer because for the next few years it’s in and out of trouble in and out of juvenile detention. You’re suppose to be and having the chance to live, to live that life every kid should have. Not us though we learned one thing, that being bad was easier than following the rules.

trust me on this point though, what you are about to go through will be a pain it will be hard and it will be so challenging and lonely sometimes that you just want to lay down and give up. Don’t give up, don’t let the world trample all over you because what’s next is what makes us better. You will go brought the system you will meet people who actually care and you will meet some who are just there to make money. Learn from all of them develop the character and come out better.

I know giving up will be as easy as being bad and not following the rules. A surprise that you’ve always wanted will come true, and the comfort you have wanted and the stability you desire is next. Don’t ever give up.

Love always,

Michael.

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