I know life is tough right now, your parents are getting divorced, you feel like your world is about to be torn apart. On top of this you’re having to up and leave yet another country in search for a happy life and all you can think is nothing will ever get better…
Just think though, mam and dad will stop shouting at one another in the dead of night, there won’t be any more ruined family outings or being too embarrassed at the constant negativity in your home. Their relationship just wasn’t meant to work out, they had a toxic relationship that just shouldn’t be and no, before you even say anything, even if you did behave better or smile more or share your Brats dolls they were never going to stay together! This is not your fault and never will be! You may feel for a while that you probably contributed but stop, you are young and all you need is someone to hug you and tell you that this will all pass by and that things will get better, and they will.
If you take anything from this letter Neve, take that this is not your fault no matter how badly you feel it is, it’s not your fault, it never was, and it never will be! It is their fault. No, they will never apologise for uprooting your life again or waking you up night by night but deep inside they are sorry, and they will make it up to you in the years to come, I promise!
I may as well warn you that your parents’ divorce won’t finalise for another 4 years and they will be hellish, you’ll be stuck in the middle but once it is final all that toxic energy leaves with those papers. Don’t worry you’ll see them both regularly, you will move in with your dad and to be honest you will be so much happier than you were, and life as life does just magically has this way of moving on. Seeing them separately will become the norm and you’ll spread your time equally between the two, have two Christmases, two birthdays, double the presents, it does all work out!
Best of all you will have a stable home in England and not move to a new country yet again and leave another set of friends you’ve just met! I promise that you’ll eventually be happy, be at university, have a group of friends you don’t have to leave, have insane amounts of motivation but you just have to make it through and see that there’s an exciting life ahead.
I know all you can think of are the cool friends you left behind who are still running and having fun, but you will all still be friends. You will still be thinking of that life back in Spain to this day, but you still see one another now and again and that will be enough for you! You’ll come to see that their divorce, leaving your old life was for the best and one of the best things to happen to you!
It’s scary, moving to a country you’ve never remembered living in, speaking English full time and not knowing what is going to happen but you will make it work and you will thrive! All of the pain you are going through will be worth it because you will come to realise that through moving so much now your plans later in life will be so much grander than those around you! You will visit even more places than you already have at that young age of 10 and Neve through leaving those countries behind you got to have incredible experiences on top of those you already had, like swimming on the great barrier reef in Australia and husky dog sleighing past the arctic circle in Finland! You will climb a volcano in Bali, you’ll sit on a camel in Egypt, you’ll see Paris and spend Christmas in Amsterdam each and every cloud has a silver lining. The best is yet to come and it’s all thanks to that divorce!
You are who you are today because your parents split up one night in the middle of street back home in Spain. You are who you are today – full of wonder and wanderlust – because your parents dragged you to all their dream destinations and showed you that England is darn boring and that you can move and thrive in a foreign country. All because they wanted to make memories with us to hold onto in the harder time, before we knew no different than them apart. They may be divorced but they are still your parents and no matter what you believe they still love you just as much!
You will come to realise that their divorce was the best thing for you, you get double everything and so much more support, without their divorce you would not have 5 gorgeous nieces or have met your Spanish (Who saw that coming!) boyfriend, you would never have travelled, and you would never have become this adventurous woman you are today. Take it in your stride, their divorce, funnily enough, was the making of you and of them.
You’ve got this, just be brave, the best is yet to come!
Tonnes of love from 20-year-old you,