Do you remember that time when you pretended we were perfect for one another? I do. Do you remember that time when you made me think that we were always destined for one another? I do. Do you know what I remember the most? It was the times you made me believe I actually mattered at all to you. Those times, those memories destroyed me for a long time. Everything felt like I was deserving to be a human. I thought I never could be happy again because you made it seem like I couldn’t be loved. You not only destroyed me, you destroyed me on purpose. I could never figure out how a person could do that to another, and I spend sleepless nights with water drenched eyes trying to figure it out. I did figure it out. I figured out I’m worth a million times more than you.
When we first met, you made me feel like everything I ever needed In life I could find with you. I found that to be the best part of my life so far, finding that person who would be there, who would give everything to make me happy. You would text me good morning you, we would talk late into the night. We texted constantly during the day, I could never stop smiling, and again you gave me another reason to think my life was perfect. I even remember that time you cooked me food and were waiting for me at my apartment after class. I mean who does that if they don’t really care. You, that’s who does it while not caring.
I knew my life would be perfect if I had you in it. My life was planned to get a good job, make money have a family, travel and to do all that cheesy stuff. But apparently your life, and your sense of happiness was to have as many people as possible in it as possible. You decided that you needed more than me. You decided I wasn’t the one you wanted to be with. You decided while you still pretended to love me that you didn’t need me. What was I in your eyes? Was I a Burdon? Was I someone who couldn’t ever make you happy? I never knew why couldn’t be that person, the one that could bring you happiness the one to bring the light in your world. After you decided to make me the second person in your life. All you did was get rid of the light in my life.
For a long time, I thought I wasn’t good enough. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything. Worst thing of all I thought I actually deserved the bad treatment you awarded me. I was so screwed up in the head that I thought I actually deserved to feel destroyed. When my head cleared though, I knew you were the one who doesn’t deserve to ever be a thought in my mind. I never really believed in karma, but I know you will get back what you gave. I hope more than anything you see what it means to be given dirt rather then gold. For once you deserve to be the person who thinks they have everything, and then feel it be ripped away by the terrible choices of someone.
I will forgive you one day. I will also thank you. I will thank you that you gave me a w hole new view on life. I will thank you for crushing me, so I can be rebuilt. I thank you for helping me find the love that actually means something and being able to appreciate it a million times more.
“From the ashes I will Rise.”