James P. Being Accepted For Me.

I remember growing up and knowing I was different it was so evident to me but not to anyone around me. I was like any little boy, Joyful, friendly, and carefree. I would have a group of friends like many others but sometimes, it would all seem different. I didn’t just want to hang out with them but I wanted to be around them because they made me happy in a different way. I had no idea what being gay was. My parents weren’t religious, they weren’t telling me about the world and all the things that were happening. I only had their marriage as a guideline. I thought I was supposed to grow up to find a wife, have kids and live the normal rat race of a life. All that sounded great, but having a wife started to seem less and less like my goals.

I didn’t know what to do, I wasn’t living who I truly was supposed to be, because I had no idea who exactly that was. I started to drift further and further away from the people I grew up with, I wasn’t happy with my life, I wasn’t even sure what life is supposed to be. When I turned 16 everything changed for me, I could just hold it in anymore, it was as clear as ever I was attracted to other guys. I had to tell my family I had let them know who I really am.

I was terrified. We weren’t relatively close, as I had spent so much time not talking about anything and separating myself as much as possible. I remember the exact moment still, and probably always will. I walked into the front room, where our T.V. was and my mom and dad were watching. I just blurted it out, “I’m Gay” It felt like I shouted it because I wanted to so bad. I can still feel my body go tense. My dad turned off the T.V. he looks at me and replies “what did you just say.” I replied with the same to words of. Like a river flows, the expletives flew out of his mouth. I look over at my mom and she was stunned. Not by the words of my father but by mine.

He kept yelling and cursing, but then I heard him clearly, “GET OUT” he yelled. I didn’t know what to do. I stood there motionless, but then my body felt like it started to move and that’s what happened before I knew it, I was out of my house. Walking, searching, trying not to crumble. Hours later, my mom was still my mom and came and found me, In a place she always knew I would be that’s still special to me these day, as we talked and we understood each other. We become son and mother that day truly even if its not who she thought I would be.

My father didn’t really soften up for a few years until I was gone and the LGBTQ fight took full effect and he started to learn more about his son, and I was in college. Space did us good, we started to communicate, he was genuinely proud of the things I had accomplished. I went to law school, because I wanted to fight every day.

I wanted to fight for the rights of every single human being, I don’t want another kid to be afraid to tell their parents something, because I want to be a part of the fight that makes it a normal thing to be who they truly are. I represent those, who cant represent themselves because that’s how I felt. All I know is through everything I ever learned, Is that being yourself is exactly what the world needs. So be that human. Because I am that human.

One Comment

  1. clarinetpassion

    Look i been searching forever. I have been saying to my wife every day now. In the morning. “what do you want to do”. Harmless hey. I just ask her this every day. I ask myself this question every day. ” what do i want to do today? Harmless question hey. Forget expectations,money,duty,roles ,identity everything just simple” what do I want to do today?’ Every day. i have become relentless with this question and my confidence is growing.Good luck and best and kindest reards. Have a nice day.

    Liked by 1 person

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