What if there is that one time you and mom argue, and you can’t handle it and finally take it out on me. Fear is all I ever live, and it is destroying me. Your and moms’ relationship was something I looked up to, it was something that I hope I could have one day. I didn’t know behind the curtains and the now evident fake smiles, darkness and anger loomed.
I felt like every day at home was something that would eventually go away, the darkness that loomed in my house, each corner was filled with hate. Sound would echo everywhere, I could never escape the constant bickering or arguing or verbal threats that still ring in my head today. Words that I hope don’t follow me into any relationship I’m ever in, but my parents put that there. Words that could cut deep into your heart, and sit endlessly in the mind until you feel like you were going to collapse. I remember those early days thinking when I was younger dreaming of the fairytale, the princess wedding, the thing I always thought my parents had and were going to have forever. It was like a switch flipped in my house when I was 12. I couldn’t figure it, I couldn’t understand why my happy parents were suddenly at each other’s throats and it felt like it was destroying everything.
Was it me? Was it something I was doing wrong? I know that’s what every young child who goes through this, thinks the same. It’s almost impossible to not think that especially when your parents seemed so happy. I was constantly trying to find ways to help and when I look back at it, should I have been the kid trying to keep the peace? The person trying to keep my parents in happy moods, how does that fall on the child? I had friends whose parents split just so easily and quickly, I feared that with my parents because it was what I always understood was imminent with parents who couldn’t get along. This squeezed my heart even harder, I couldn’t handle the thought, was it still me that would cause the divorce along with all the hate. I was destroyed, I tumbled I hid away exactly who I was. Withdrawn, angry, upset just not me. Although divorce seemed like a doom, if only I knew it was something that needed to happen sooner I wouldn’t have fallen so hard.
What I really understood as I got older was that divorce should never be the goal or something that should be taken lightly but it is ok in dark situations, it’s not going to crack your world in half and truly hold you in sadness. Sometimes people just need to separate to allow happiness to return. I know you think that today’s society is divorce happy and it almost seems like it’s to be expected with that statistic of 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. When your living in a household that is constantly a terrible situation you understand that everything and everyone must separate and go their own way, not only for them but for the children who seem to be paying the price.
I now see relationships not in any form of fairytale but rather as an honest and open conversation that isn’t just talking, its experiencing, loving and exploring who we are every day. Of course, I was glad I didn’t keep my parents’ idea of marriage and keep looking up to them in that regard because I would of never have found my other half. When I first met him, like many others who have things in their past that represents strong emotion and then imprints a rough road of relationships. I didn’t know how to do it at first, I couldn’t trust and didn’t want to get close. We found our way, because it was meant to be, there were no mouthy fights or hidden anger it was just what a relationship should be and I’m glad I have that person in my life and always will.
When things get worse look for the light. Never give up on the happiness that you deserve. I know you think things can only end bad. While A divorce can be an addition to the pain you feel. The step after your parents regain their happiness everything seems much better. I can promise you it Is. It’s been more than 10 years since my parents divorced. They have never been happier, my mom re-married and my dad has a longtime girlfriend. Both new additions to my larger family have truly been a blessing. I now no longer see relationships in the way I use too, it’s not just a happy face while behind the scenes anger is building and exploding. Communication is truly the key, in my relationship it has brought us closer and stronger. Talking issues out is truly everything you think it is. Never hold it in and never let the emotions explode. Chase the happiness, and never forget to spread happiness and love whenever you can, you never know when people might need it.