If you asked me six or seven years ago what I thought my life would look like when I was 21 I have no idea what I would’ve told you. But I guarantee you, I wouldn’t have said I’d be high on life. As a child I was pretty out going, I always wanted to be the center of attention, and I never cared about what others thought about me. As I got older, I became the complete opposite of all of those things. I became a very shy introvert, I NEVER wanted to be the center of attention (ever), and I was constantly concerned with what others where saying about me and thinking about me.
Right before I started highschool I moved to a brand new school in a totally new country. Given the fact that I was a shy and insecure 13-year-old, this was definitely an anxiety inducing situation to be in. I made new friends, tried out and made the cheer squad, lived my day-to-day life. But I wasn’t really happy. The catch is- I didn’t really know this.
I would never classify myself as depressed or suicidal because I know those are both extremely serious illnesses. But I was always unhappy and I remember having a reoccurring thought, “this (life) would be so much easier if I just didn’t have to deal with it”. I never actually wanted to die, the thoughts lingered for a few minutes and then they vanished as quickly as they came. They just came more often than what I think is normal. And it was the smallest, stupidest things that brought them on, like having to give a presentation in class, or a hard homework assignment I just didn’t want to complete, or running late for an event— which I also don’t think is normal. Things reached their worst point my junior year of highschool, I was just so unhappy but I had no real reason to be. I was mad at the world, I hated where I lived, I started to dislike most of my friends. As my friends began going to parties, experimenting with alcohol, and going out to German clubs I began to withdrawal even more. I stayed cooped up in my bedroom, glued to my computer screen. I spent hours on YouTube watching the exciting lives of others. I developed a lot of jealousy which was just another negative emotion overflowing into my life. Which in turn lead me to become super self-consious and kind of a gaint bitch. (Sorry for the language but it’s true).
I continued this behavior into my senior year of highscool- which was again at a new school back in America. I was super judgemental of others, which I think was a defense mechanism due to my insecurities, and I just wasn’t living a healthy life. And I was tired of feeling this way, something needed to change.
One night I just decided. I decided I was done living in a state of constant misery and so I changed, just like that. A switch went off inside of me and I changed. I dove head first into the messages of Meghan Hughes (on YouTube) and Mod Sun (a musical artist). I studied the Law of Attraction and how it could affect my life, and then I started to apply it to my life. I became over the top positive about literally everything. My family made fun of me for it (in a teasing manner) and I’m sure they sometimes got annoyed with me. But it was the best decisions I have ever made for myself. That was 2014- the best year of my life.
I now wake up (more often than not) feeling an outpouring sense of happiness for absolutely no reason at all. I’m now living a full and happy life. I have never had a bigger or better support system surrounding me than I do now. I’ve learned that happiness is not circumstantial. “You can not always control what happens to you, but you can always control how you react to it… and how you let it affect you.” I have never been happier in my life and never once in the last four years have I thought life would be easier if I wasn’t around.
Don’t get me wrong, making this drastic life change was not easy. I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s as simple as just deciding to make a change, because it’s not. It is still a struggle to this day, but I wouldn’t give up the fight of a happy life for anything in this world. And the more you work on your mentality, the more natural it’ll become to see the good in any and all situations. And now, that is my favorite quality in myself.
I had a lightbulb moment this summer in the backseat of my Dad’s white Ford Explorer; I had this overwhelming sense of calmness and peace wash over me and I wondered to myself “if there is a word to describe being happier than the happiest a person can possibly be- that is how I feel in this moment.” And now I strive for that same feeling daily. The year 2014 will forever hold a precious place in my heart because it was a year of magnificent transformation for me. 2017 has been a wild roller-coaster with many ups and many downs. And even though it is only September and we still have three months of this year left- this is the new best year of my life. And I am ecstatic and extremely proud to say that.
If you would’ve told me six or seven years ago that this is the life I would be living, I never would have believed you… not in a million years. But this is the life I’m living and I am so dang grateful for it everyday.
Everything that I’ve been through, the good and the bad as lead me to my passion! And so I wouldn’t change my dark years at all. Because they are what allow me to love and appreciate all of the good days now. And every single day is a good day. My passion to help others. To bring light to the fact that happiness is a choice and you control every aspect of your life. I want to motivate and inspire others to choose happiness. I want to show people that it is possible and I want to help them on their own happiness journey. It is the best choice I have ever made and I want to share that with the world. Every single person deserves to experience the happiness I am so lucky to feel on a daily basis. (Yes, even you). My blog is just a small stepping stone on the path to creating something extraordinary. I don’t know what that something will be yet but I know it’ll be powerful. If I can inspire and help even just one person change their life then I have done my job. The unhappiness that I thought might break me, ended up saving my life.
–Spread kindness, love, & gratitude like wildfire.
Disclaimer: If you’ve read any of my blog posts before then you have probably heard this story (or a version of it). I don’t want to be repetitive but this IS my story. And I think it’s the most important one I have to tell. So I will never stop sharing it.
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